.D i g i t a l L o v e.

it s

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 09:24:02 GMT

bring that
to me because you've got
nice
hands
the place looks a lot nicer
even though its not my own
i have excuses since i dont have a say
"my shit's so much smaller compared to some shit"
"shit"
i have to bring over this gold chair that needs cleaning but my mom cant like, part with it but its been in the house for years like literally 25 years
i have got to stop smoking cigscs

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 06:13:19 GMT

OH HI LIVE JOURNAL
bet you thought i forgot about you
gimme kiss
aww
thats better
how have you been!
I've got to lurk charlotte now.

I love adam
thats it

i cant get on myspace

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:15:44 GMT

so i cant do anything fun.
i miss charlotte.
school keeps being cool.
my phone plays alot of this music i enjoy and allows me to have highly elaborate dreams at night, like last night which was crazy who do i love now i dont even know

Only Skin

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:49:18 GMT

and there was a booming above you
that night, black airplanes flew over the sea
and they were lowing and shifting like
beached whales
shelled snails
as you strained and you squinted to see
the retreat of their hairless and blind cavalry

you froze in your sand shoal
prayed for your poor soul
sky was a bread roll, soaking in a milk-bowl
and when the bread broke, fell in bricks of wet smoke
my sleeping heart woke, and my waking heart spoke

then there was a silence you took to mean something:
mean, run, sing
for alive you will evermore be
and the plague of the greasy black engines a-skulkin'
has gone east
while you're left to explain them to me
released from their hairless and blind cavalry

with your hands in your pockets, stubbily running
to where I'm unfresh, undressed and yawning
well, what is this craziness? this crazy talking?
you caught some small death when you were sleepwalking

it was a dark dream, darlin', it's over
the firebreather is beneath the clover
beneath his breathing there is cold clay, forever
a toothless hound-dog choking on a feather

but I took my fishingpole (fearing your fever)
down to the swimminghole, where there grows bitter herb
that blooms but one day a year by the riverside - I'd bring it here:
apply it gently
to the love you've lent me

while the river was twisting and braiding, the bait bobbed
and the string sobbed, as it cut through the hustling breeze
and I watched how the water was kneading so neatly
gone treacly
nearly slowed to a stop in this heat
- frenzy coiling flush along the muscles beneath

press on me: we are restless things
webs of seaweed are swaddling
you call upon the dusk
of the musk of a squid
shot full of ink, until you sink into your crib

rowing along, among the reeds, among the rushes
I heard your song, before my heart had time to hush it!
smell of a stone fruit being cut and being opened
smell of a low and of a lazy cinder smoking

and when the fire moves away
fire moves away, son
why would you say
I was the last one?

scrape your knee; it is only skin
makes the sound of violins
when you cut my hair, and leave the birds the trimmings
I am the happiest woman among all women

and the shallow
water
stretches as far as I can see
knee-deep, trudging along
a seagull weeps; "so long"

I'm humming a threshing song
until the night is over
hold on!
hold on!
hold your horses back from the fickle dawn

I have got some business out at the edge of town
candy weighing both of my pockets down
'til I can hardly stay afloat, from the weight of them
(and knowing how the common-folk condemn
what it is I do, to you, to keep you warm
being a woman, being a woman)

but always up the mountainside you're clambering
groping blindly, hungry for anything:
picking through your pocket linings - well, what is this?
scrap of sassafras, eh Sisyphus?

I see the blossoms broke and wet after the rain
little sister, he will be back again
I have washed a thousand spiders down the drain
spiders ghosts hang soaked and dangelin'
silently from all the blooming cherry trees
in tiny nooses, safe from everyone
- nothing but a nuisance; gone now, dead and done
be a woman, be a woman!

though we felt the spray of the waves
we decided to stay 'til the tide rose too far
we weren't afraid, 'cause we know what you are
and you know that we know what you are

awful atoll
- o, incalculable indiscreetness and sorrow!
bawl, bellow:
Sibyl sea-cow, all done up in a bow

toddle and roll;
teeth an impalpable bit of leather
while yarrow, heather and hollyhock
awkwardly molt along the shore

are you mine?
my heart?
mine anymore?

stay with me for awhile
that's an awfully real gun
I know life will lay you down
as the lightning has lately done

failing this, failing this,
follow me, my sweetest friend
to see what you anointed in pointing your gun there

lay it down! nice and slow!
there is nowhere to go, save up
up where the light, undiluted, is weaving in a drunk dream
at the sight of my baby, out back:
back on the patio watching the bats bring night in
- while, elsewhere, estuaries of wax-white
wend, endlessly, towards seashores unmapped

last week our picture window produced a half-word
heavy and hollow, hit by a brown bird
we stood and watched her gape like a rattlesnake
and pant and labour over every intake

I said a sort of prayer for some sort of rare grace
then thought I ought to take her to a higher place
said: "dog nor vulture nor cat shall toy with you
and though you die, bird, you will have a fine view"

then in my hot hand
she slumped her sick weight
we tramped through the poison oak
heartbroke and inchoate

the dogs were snapping
so you cuffed their collars
while I climbed the tree-house
then how I hollered!
cause she'd lain, as still as a stone, in my palm, for a lifetime or two

then, saw the treetops, cocked her head and up and flew
(while, back in the world that moves, often
according to the hoarding of these clues
dogs still run roughly around
little tufts of finch-down)

the cities we passed were a flickering wasteland
but his hand in my hand made them hale and harmless
while down in the lowlands the crops are all coming;
we have everything
life is thundering blissful towards death
in a stampede of his fumbling green gentleness

you stopped by, I was all alive
in my doorway, we shucked and jived
and when you wept, I was gone:
see, I got gone when I got wise
but I can't with certainty say we survived

then down, and down
and down, and down
and down, and deeper
stoke without sound
the blameless flames
you endless sleeper

through fire below, and fire above, and fire within
sleeped through the things that couldn't have been if you hadn't have been

and when the fire moves away
fire moves away, son
why would you say
I was the last one?

all my bones they are gone, gone, gone
take my bones, I don't need none
cold, cold cupboard, Lord, nothing to chew on!
suck all day on a cherry stone

dig a little hole, not three inches round
spit your pit in the hole in the ground
weep upon the spot for the starving of me!
till up grow a fine young cherry tree

well when the bough breaks, what'll you make for me?
a little willow cabin to rest on your knee
what'll I do with a trinket such as this?
think of your woman, who's gone to the west

but I'm starving and freezing in my measly old bed!
then I'll crawl across the salt flats to stroke your sweet head
come across the desert with no shoes on!
I love you truly, or I love no-one

fire
moves
away

fire moves away, son
why would you say
I was the last one?

clear the room! there's a fire, a fire, a fire
get going, and I'm going to be right behind you
and if the love of a woman or two, dear,
couldn't move you to such heights, then all I can do
is do, my darling, right by you

this is ok

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:30:51 GMT

TEN WHATS:

1. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up?
my hair

2. What did you do last night?
saw my mom when she got back from new york, dyed my hair and sprinkled fairy dust on you

3. What is the most important part of your life right now?
school

4. What would you rather be doing right now?
hanging out in orlando

5. What did you last cry over?
tanner

6. What always makes you feel better when you're upset?
shopping

7. What are your plans tomorrow?
work at 8, school until 7, homework and sleep. my life is AWESOME

8. What's the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
significance

9. What are you worried about?
money

10. What are you looking forward to most in this week?
friday.

NINE HAVE-YOU-EVERS:

1. Have you ever liked someone with a girlfriend/boyfriend?
sure

2. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yes

3. Have you ever played a sport on a team?
no

4.Have you ever been out of the country?
no

5. Have you ever back stabbed a friend?
maybe? if i have, tell me

6. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
yes

7. Have you ever had the cops called on you?
yeah, when i took my moms truck out with COURTNEE AND MIKE MORIN and then 2 weeks later they went to jail for murdering courtnee's father

8. Have you ever dated someone younger then you?
yeah

9. Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
yes

EIGHT WHOS:

1. Who was the last person you saw?
random students coming into the office. but my mom if its someone i actually know

2. Who was the last person you hugged?
mommy

3. Who was the last person you called?
tan

4. Who was the last person to call you?
my phone hasn;t worked since july but will tell you the last 5 people who called me since it worked:
-tan
-mom
-grey? haha
-anna
-kayte

5. Who was your first crush?
?

6. Who was the last person to text you?
tanner saying goodnight

7.Who is the last person you texted?
charles to tell him his hair cut is at 4:30

8. Who did you last yell at?
my teacher

SEVEN WHENS:

1. When was your last shower?
this morning

2. When did you last see your mom?
also this morning

3. When was your last hug?
last night

4. when did you last dress up?
everyday

5. When was the last time you cried?
about a week ago

6. When did you last go to the movie theatre?
i cant even remember that

7.When were you born?
july 27th 1987

SIX WHERES:

1. Where do your best friend(s) live?
orlando

2. Where did you last go?
outside to smoke, but i went to walmart last night for color, razors, shave gel and tampies

3. Where did you last hang out?
amandas

4. Where do you go to school?
Brevard Com College

5. Where is your favorite place to be?
honestly at my house but i dont like to be there for too long

6. Where did you sleep last night?
the couch in the living room

FIVE DO/DOES:

1. Do you like someone right now?

2. Do they like you too?
no

3. Do you ever wish you were someone else?
yeah

4. Do you know the muffin man?
yeah
5. Does the future scare you?
no

FOUR WHYS:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friends?
because i dont have anything better to do

2. Why did you get a myspace?
you know, i dont know why i dont realize that i have taken this quiz already until i get to the end. shoot

3. Why did your parents give you the name you have?
its irish and my middle name is grandma orourkes name

4. Why are you doing this survey?
why not

THREE IFS:

1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
super hair

2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
maybe

3. If you were stranded on a desert island and could bring one thing what would it be?
a phone. or a boat. and some beer while we wait

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS:

1. Would you ever be friends with someone again who you said you never would be because they were so mean to you?
hahahaha actually now i wouldnt but i have many times in the past. i guess that makes me an idiot for thinking she could be anything but a horrible shitty friend

2. Would you ever shave your head to save the person you love?
yes

ONE LAST QUESTION:

Are you happy with your life right now?
ok

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 15:06:59 GMT

i smoke cigarettes again isnt that stupid.
i want this brand new life that i think will be better for me than the one i have now because its got really nice clothes in it and a cool car and you're there and you're there, you're all there

Fri, 04 May 2007 07:03:38 GMT

i like cashews too

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 05:50:40 GMT

ok ill say a word or two
i dont know how i feel about college anymore.
not confident explains that feeling pretty well.
but i am glad that my mom and i have a healthy relationship now, she told me she was always going to be my best friend. awwww mommy thanks for the vanilla soy milk!
ok but heres is this part:
i couldnt decide if i should write an e-mail or call or whatever but i didnt think i had to say anything at all.
but i guess i sort of do. im not satisfied with the way things are now between you and i but im certainly fine with it, and have no objections. but how about you give me a good fucking reason for once in your life, be honest with someone who you called your friend and tell them why you dont choose to call them that any more.

these are all so good because they are of me i am so good

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 02:12:21 GMT

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 22:08:32 GMT

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 01:16:56 GMT

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 16:29:22 GMT

i have a list
of things which
i must do before
the day is done.
i know i need to get on the medicine ball for 15 minutes at least
i know i have to drive to sanford with this dinky:

and i know i have to pick up a check from my mom to enroll in valencia.
but i want to do so so so much more.
i should go x-mas shopping with the 5 dollars that i have.
oh wait.
life sucks
there are too many routines and all the things i need wont happen quick enough.
i am never satisfied.
but IM GONNA GIVE TODAY A CHANCE!
that bitch better not let me down.
maybe the night will be better.
good good night?

ps KATIE OZ!
(you totally wont read this but call me if you do)

ask me how to get a free medium sub with the purchase of a chip and drink

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:33:09 GMT

kayte abell and her runway career started a long time ago

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 16:45:04 GMT

regs

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 03:15:38 GMT

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 18:53:48 GMT

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 21:30:42 GMT

Tanner just came by stretch (how come no one else does that)
and i gave him some souvenirs (astronaut ice cream and a stolen quartz) from
THE ORLANDO SCIENCE CENTER!
i went with katie oz and her cool little cousin
we got up at like 8 and left at 1 and i have been running around all day.
i have the next two days off so if you want to make plans with me
too bad i will be sleeping.
oh i'm only kidding.
the last two nights i had a double sleep over party (with only two guests, katy and katie) but it ruled.
i am pretty sure that just having money feels better than spending it.

the 27th

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 15:39:11 GMT

you guys
literally have no idea
(unless you happen to be one of them)
how amazing my friends are.
i had the most killer birthday
i can easily say it was by far
the MOST FUN
i have ever had in one day.
i went on a wild shopping spree with team tanner
(katie oz, gary, tan and I)
no doubt you will be jealous of my findings.
oh and has anyone been to all three locations of decho's?
because i want to know which one is the best, considering they are all about the same travel distance.
anyway after i was done wasting all my money, i got extensions, kayte abell put them in as well as arranged the most BITCHIN get together of 2006.
EXTREME GO-KARTPALOOZA.
then we all got wasted and kissed everyone.
everybody kissed everyone.
the best part was when we all got to kiss everybody.

here are a few things from before

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 17:42:30 GMT

dirt

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 00:03:50 GMT

hi!
this is katy:

today, i spent all day at my moms spa
she treated me to a full body massage
cut and color for my birthday (on thursday!!!!)
now im at kaytes,
and because its the only important thing
we are photographing and they will be on the web soon.
who cares about anything else

inner space

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 21:23:01 GMT

here are things i did yesterday that i have never done before:
-accidentally got up at 6 am, jogged for like 30 minutes and studied MATH
-went to my first day of work at my new job
-wore 8 pairs of pointe shoes
-got paid 25 bucks for a haircut!
-had a shopping/saving extravaganza with katie oz :]

and today i went to cocoa beach with the rippin gang.
also,
i miss kayte a and friends
i work tomorrow at 11am, so if you know me, call me and come hang out (especially if you are a ballerina)

ps, remind me to get my new clothes from tanners house, to go to the bank, make an appointment to go to the social security administration office, and the dmv.

I AM GROWING.

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 00:00:09 GMT

look at the wicked's coming to my house:

dont worry about getting them for yourselves, you can borrow mine.

OH! and i made birthday wishlists on the internet for these sites:
urbanoutfitters
delias &
alloy.

my e-mail is dearambellina87@aol.com and if you like me as much as you claim, then you will have no problem buying me all of it.

:]

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 20:50:30 GMT

19 in 6 days.
im getting hair.
wanna see something cute?
ok.

aww right?
oh and getting clothes from the mailbox, is not only better than shopping, its better than coasting.
NOT better than boasting.

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 15:21:29 GMT

g-ma's at it again with the tortilla shit.

my 19th birthday is on july 27th.
i might be going to new york, but maybe not.

if i dont go, im gonna purchase the property of wet-n-wild, kick all the black kids out, who wear oversized florida or summer camp tees and tell them to get the fuck out of my water park.

Mon, 29 May 2006 04:49:08 GMT

im trying
to make standing up
straight more
of a habit